It is a story that needed to be told: routine prenatal screening, unexpected diagnosis, hurriedly scheduled abortion, and then years of regret and guilt.
Put simply: my decision and its consequences have tortured me for the past nine years.
I’ve been unable to talk about it easily, unless with a drink in hand, let alone write about the experience. This is partly because I have felt out-of-step with the rest of the world, where the validity of abortion is a given for millions of people - especially women - and to admit to being uneasy about this seems to make you a traitor to any notion of ‘sisterhood’.
Yet also, and this is the crucial point, because of an overwhelming and isolating sense of shame. Almost from the moment I awoke from the anaesthetic, I have deeply regretted my decision. Whichever way I looked at it, it felt then and it feels now like murder.
While the medical establishment and budget conscious government bureaucrats push for more and earlier prenatal screenings, Victoria Lambert tells her story as a warning. The International Down Syndrome Coalition For Life spells it out.
The medical tests are out pacing this very important conversation. The IDSC would like to make sure that we are a part of sparing more woman from this grief. Taking their own child’s life does not take away the diagnosis. The parents will live with a grief forever. They will be haunted by the “what ifs” forever. Mean while, other parents who continue on with the pregnancy, are pleasantly surprised that the experience they have with their special needs child is filled with a joy that they never expected.
No woman really wants to kill her baby. When the abortion decision is made, the reason is often, “I didn’t have any choice.” Victoria didn’t know she had one.
What nobody told me, then or later, was that not everybody terminates such a pregnancy. That I could have gone on and carried the baby to fullterm.
Dear reader, you do have that choice. If you are facing delivering a disabled child please go to Be Not Afraid and read stories from others whose baby was like yours.
Victoria seems to be steeling herself for disapproval from women. For criticizing abortion, I suppose the militant sisterhood will disapprove of her. But I think she will find a warm embrace from a different sisterhood, the special needs mothers.
And you know what else, Victoria? God offers another warm embrace … and forgiveness. Jesus says, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, and you will find rest for your souls, for my burden is easy and my load is light.” (in the Bible in Matthew chapter 11)
Filed under: abortion, Prenatal/pregnancy Tagged: | abortion, blood tests, Down sydrome, Down Syndrome, Prenatal/pregnancy
This is a beautiful post, particularly in the last paragraph. I hope Victoria finds peace, and I commend you for reaching out.